“The difference between depression and sadness is happenstance; whatever happened or didn’t happen for you. Depression is your body saying…I don’t want to be this character anymore.”
“You should think of the word of depressed as ‘deep-rest’. It needs deep rest from the character you’ve been trying to play.” Jim Carrey
You know, I didn’t used to fully understand what people with depression are going through. I used to have my ups and downs, but always finding something to cheer me up as well.
I was thinking: but surely people must realize that there is at least one positive solution to their situation and they can rise again and not be down for so long …
Until I got the bitter taste of it. I am not sure to be honest if I can call it a depression, but I deffinetly don’t want to know what that feels like … It was more that the stress and anxiety became a form of a constant sadness and got me very irascible, anti social, I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone, didn’t want to do anything… even the things I liked doing normally … It was tough and I cried my eyes out. And of course, when you don’t feel good inside, your body suffers as well.
I started getting health issues one after another one. Thank God it wasn’t any big health problem, but it was scary at times, especially as my heart palpitations were going mad. Sometimes I even felt my heart is going to go out of my chest …
And then I was thinking I was so stupid, I was trying to deny these feelings because, I have a relatively good life in comparison to so many other people. I feel priviledged to have access to education, food, travel, a roof over my head etc. Things that so many people can only dream of!
So I started to blame myself for feeling ungrateful … why would I be sad?
But the reality was… the feeling was there. And it didn’t matter what it triggered it, the solution was: change.
As the body’s signals were telling me: you cannot go on like this.
I must admit, I had professional help so I attended counselling classes for 6 weeks. I wasn’t sure if to open up about this, but it might be helpful for people that experience similar feelings, because I felt like nobody can help me and I cannot help myself.
But talking to a person who doesn’t know me and doesn’t judge me feels like a great relief, trust me.
I started getting better slowly until I got back to my usual schedule and I started feeling like I am going back again so that meant I needed a drastic change.
So I quit my job and started doing things that I love for a while.
And for me that is a lot of walks in the nature, a lot of art, painting, a lot of positive TED talks and meditation videos. I took time for myself and time to rest. And again, I feel grateful for being able to do that as I am fully aware that there are people that can’t afford to just leave their jobs. To be honest, I don’t fully afford it either, but you learn how to cut your expenses very quickly!
Today I was listening to an interview with Jim Carrey and his words resonated so much with me … think of depression as a deep rest … it is amazing to start seeing it this way as the word depression has such negative connotation.
Just listen to your body and feed your soul, listen to your needs and take action, change things and see what helps you …
This is what is helping me to overcome that state of mind and I hope that it can help you.
Especially in a world where social media gives you an illusion of a “perfect” life and I am guilty myself of it. I always post “nice” pictures mainly because I want to surround myself with positive things and emotions.
But I think that it is important to acknowledge that we are not always happy and cheerful.
And our lifes are perfect as they are. Perfectly imperfect. And don’t beat yourself over what other people do or have.
There is a reason why we are all unique.
Embrace yourself and believe in yourself.
Lots of love xx
Daniela
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